I'm not worried because she chose the fuckbags over me in high school, I'm worried because she keeps choosing the fuckbags that aren't in highschool. Don't you get it? It's not a trend for those guys, that's really them. They're still obsessed with looking cooler than the people that surround them, but now they're going to grociery markets and DMVs. Nobody is trying to out spike you're hair while you're buying milk and laundry detergent you twatbag. goddamnit.

I sit so low in my chair that only god can see me through my window
and although he may be the only other person awake at this hour, I'm still paranoid

You know how deep down inside most people are exactly as you'd think they were the second you saw them?

You're not one of those people, are you.

I've been listening to some terrible music lately. Music that gets stuck in your head. Music that reminds you of things you've done before, and things that never even happened, but you sure wish did. Music that finds your heart and says, "Hey, can I get a better look at that?" Then hollows it out with it's teeth and takes a nap inside. Some really, honestly shitty stuff.

What's more, is that it sticks around even though it's unwanted! When I listened to Death Cab For Cutie earlier today, I did not invite Ben Gibbard to sing "this is when I forget to breath, and all the things I scripted, they sound unfounded" over and over in my head for seven hours. I don't ever remember telling the guys from Electric President that we connected so well they were allowed to have a sleepover in my chest for a week, although I didn't actually tell them they couldn't, not that the jerks asked.

Anyway, with all this crappy music ruining my life lately, I've realized that no matter what you do, love still sucks. There are some things you don't forget, and there are some things you'll never get away from, no matter how much you grow, and putting my head in my hand as I heard "Insomnia" brainrepeat for the umpteenth time in 12 hours, I laughed at myself for ever thinking I was over a girl.

Making an impossible island

Why do we stay connected with people we obviously despise?

You'd think in a world with 6 billion people in it, we'd be able to give one up. We can't. We're humans, and we stick to what we do better than any species that's ever come before or after us, which is connect.

From someone you don't know, but know you won't like, to someone that's wronged you in ways you wouldn't wish upon your most wicked enemy, they all seem to stay in your phone's contact list some way or another.

Rocky

Sometimes, admist all the eb and flow of life, you find something that won't move. Dispite rising and falling tide, that one thing stays, unwavering, in the spot you found it everytime you come back. It can be a reassuring or infuriating acquaintance, but either way it's hard to forget.

Programming and Sequencing

It's funny how love lingers where you wouldn't expect it. All the people in your life that you've loved and lost will never leave you. It happens in places you wouldn't expect, about people you wouldn't expect, and the feelings you get will sweep you off your feet every time.

The passions of the people you love rub off on you. That which are your friends' and lovers' passions soon become a your own in little ways. Whether or not ethier party is aware of the transaction it happens, and it's unavoidable if you care for each other at all. It's two people intertwining, profoundly effecting each other's personality and reality, and it's something melancholy and beautiful. It's the reason you reminice when you see a green scarf and you remember your friend who loved his green car. It's the reason you can never buy Arizona Blueberry White Tea because a girl you loved and had a tough break-up with drank it every day. These are the signs that there are people in your life that you appreciate, and not only should never forget, but can't ever forget. It's their little way of grabbing you by the lungs and saying, "Hey, I'm part of your life and don't you try and deny it."


I hope people don't try and deny it, and that when those things happen you call the person you thought of and say, "Hey, something reminded me of you today, just thought you'd like to know."